Inside Out?

There are times in my life when I feel like freaking out. Doing what I want....saying whatever comes to my mouth....but that doesn't happen! Why? Why do I stop myself? i don't know, I really don't know!

I don't really say what I want to say.It may be something very trivial and inconsequential but that is what comes out of my heart, that is what i feel, but i don't do what i feel like doing.I end up doing something that I never would have thought about.

One instance, i may quote here, is when i go riding my bike on the roads. I don't like to breach the traffic rules and I don't(well, i must confess, i do but on very few occasions). And the traffic sense of hyderabadis isn't very pleasing(This one of the very few things about hyd that I don't like, otherwise, Hyderabad rocks!!). God forbid! The Auto Rickshaws! They are pathetic.
So, let me come back to what I was saying, yes, when I am riding and it happens, everyday, that someone jumps a signal and lands right in front of me. I feel like kicking his ass off, but I don't. Whats worse? I smile. I mean inside I am burning with anger and frustration. But I smile or just don't say or express anything.May be it is good, good for him and may be even for me! But the point to be driven home is that I don't do what I think I would do. This may be a very poor example or probably i am not able to write it out properly but this is what I think when I reach home(or office). What is that stops me from doing what I would want to do? Am I afraid of that person? No, I don't think so. It is not fear! It is just that I cannot shout on somebody I do not know. Somebody who I will not be seeing again to say a "Sorry"!Or whatever! I dont know!Or I just want to maintain difference between that person and me.

Small and minute things in life can make so much of a difference, they can make you laugh or weep or just make you contemplate about it. You never know. But for all that to happen, we have to listen to our hearts. Listen to what it says. Not force it to do something that it doesn't want to do.But by this, i don't mean I am going to lash out at a person for breaking rules, No, I wont. I will continue to smile, with a fond hope that person will not to do that again.For, it is for his own good.

Will add more to this when time permits. This line is for others,If anyone's reading this, otherwise it is for myself. To vent out my feelings and try to reach to a solution within myself.