An achievement or a compromise?

Sometimes I wonder, What exactly do I want out of life? Is it money? Is it satisfaction? Or is it just a compromise? Am I really doing what I have always wanted to in my life? Did I even know what I wanted to do?I think I had a fair idea...

As a child I had always thought that I am going to make it big. I will do something that has never been done before. I think I wanted to become a scientist, a researcher may be, holding those fancy test tubes and mixing colors and Eureka!I've done it! But here I am, testing some code written by other people like me and something that has been done by thousands, if not millions, of people. On the outside, life looks cool. No complaints whatsoever. But inside, I have a completely different story to tell....

I think I followed my childhood dream to a pretty good extent. I took up chemical engineering, which is in its own way, different from the usual engineering courses and more challenging too. I enjoyed doing chemical engineering. I still love it. It was one best decisions in my life. I did very well in college. Paper presentations, seminars, quizzes, being among the toppers, heading the association and what not!!Then came the campus placements...was bound to do well in it too. Got a job in software firm. But wasn't sure as to go for further education or take it up. All I knew was that I wanted to do something "different'" and software certainly cannot be termed as "different".Then, What went wrong? Why dint I go ahead and do some research in this "fascinating" field? Why did I take up the job in a Software firm? And, now I am stuck. Stuck with software, and thank god, not for the rest of my life.

I don't know if it is just a general human tendency or Is it with me. But I am seldom satisfied with what I do. I have done lot of things which probably many people have not done, but there are people who have done it. In fact, have been doing it for a long time now. How do I mark myself "different" from others? There are times when I just feel like screaming aloud, but I don't!